Bailout for Christmas!

Normal
0

false
false
false

EN-US
X-NONE
X-NONE

/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin-top:0in;
mso-para-margin-right:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt;
mso-para-margin-left:0in;
line-height:115%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}

"Most American taxpayers are scratching their head wondering when all this bailout stuff is going to end and probably thinking when is my bailout coming." -Rep. Eric Cantor of Virginia

Alright congress, I give in--I am ready for my bailout. Being a plebian isn't what it’s cracked up to be, my student loans are piling up and serving the rich is getting depressing. So this Christmas, or perhaps a day or two before New Years, I will be ready to accept my bailout from the United States government.

Now before everyone gets their patriotic panties in a bind, I am not asking for as much as the auto company and I can't really afford to drive to D.C. so you won't even have to meet with me in person. Also, I am sure the American people can spare me one million dollars, yes just one million, so I don't have to work any longer and so can then spend my free time researching forgotten topics like shamanism. In fact, I can guarantee everyone that with one million dollars; nobody would ever see me again. This one lump sum would represent about 67 times more than I make in a year. Can you imagine what someone from my class level could do with that? I could buy art, travel, wipe my ass with money, invest in the stock market, buy a horse, buy a car with a fancy emblem, get a American Express black card, go on a trip to Antarctica, and still have money left over to live comfortably for quite some time.

So please Santa, I mean Congress; I have been a good American all year and am ready to receive my accolades. Thanks for thinking of me this holiday season.